Mission

My parents divorced when I was six, my mom came out to us when I was eight, I did not tell anyone until I was 12. Since then its been a continual process of coming out over and over. It took until the middle of high school to say “My mom is gay” in front of an audience larger than 1. By my first year of college I could call friends out on saying “That’s so gay.” It took me that long to admit to myself how much it hurt to hear.

(I was inspired by this EXCELLENT short video about using “gay” pejoratively http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gxs78C3XGok )

My name is Amalya. I grew up in a Modern Orthodox community in NJ and attended yeshiva from kindergarten through 12th grade. I am about to start my second year of college and am studying Fine Art and Neuroscience. I’ve done a lot of work squaring away my mothers sexuality with my faith in a just God and my belief in the goodness of the Jewish community. I still have no clue how it all fits together. For now I am satisfied with the belief that there is an answer somewhere. That we are yet to discover how these seemingly incompatible pieces can coexist.

I experienced secrecy, shame, defiance, and discovered acceptance and integrity in my own “coming out”. Kids with LGBT parents have their own, often overlooked, process of coming to terms with that reality. Now I can usually come out about my mom in a casual conversation. I hesitate sometimes, to weigh my audience. The length of my silence is only getting shorter.

I learned that the more I let my secret go, the less it defines me. Learning to be open took me ten years, and its still going. I’ll learn it forever. I could not have done it before I was ready. But if I’d had someone to talk to, I may have been ready sooner. I am not alone, and it is unnecessary for any kid with a gay parent to feel he or she must navigate that challenge without support.

I would love to be in touch with you. Please comment or email me at anotherjewishkid@gmail.com.

10 responses

3 03 2011
Steven Greenberg

Dear Amalya,
Our daughter Amalia loves this idea. Let’s speak. You may know that a new group just began and held a shabbaton in January that was very successful.
Eshel. I am involved and we are putting together a family resources page to go on our website.
Steve and I and Amalia are living for the month of March in NYC. You can call us at 917-568-4725 or email.
Best,
Steve
Avi Orlow told me about you!

16 05 2011
Sandy

Dear Amalya,
I read about you in the New Jersey magazine. I am a traditional Jewish teenage girl, not unlike yourself, and though I do not have parents who are LGBT, I myself am a lesbian. I think that this website is a beautiful idea and you should keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
Sandy.

27 05 2011
amalya323

thank you!

24 06 2011
Havah

Dear Amalya,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this site. My daughter is one of of only three children she knows (the other 2 are sisters) who have grown up in a family with 2 moms (not the child of a divorced gay mom). This other family also goes to her day school but their oldest child is 4 years younger than my daughter, so they never have classes together.

My daughter is away at camp right now, but I will be sure to tell her about this site as soon as she returns. I am sure she will love it. I hope you have a great success with it. I know kids like my daughter need support.

Havah

24 06 2011
Havah

If you are the child of 2 gay parents (i.e. you are not the result of a divorced couple where one parent is gay and now partnered) I hope you will post here. My daughter is 11 and like I said we know of one other family of lesbians in this situation and Steve Greenberg’s daughter. As far as we know, every other kid of gays has 2 parents of the opposite sex who are their bio parents. That is not my daughter’s situation. It makes it even lonelier for her.

5 07 2011
amalya323

Havah,
Definitely tell your daughter about the site. While I do have two biological parents (the divorced/remarried scenario) I would love to be in touch with her if she wants. Although I have not experienced exactly what she has, I know a little from that loneliness. I can also try and connect her to other kids her age if that would be helpful.
Thanks for the support!

Amalya

24 06 2011
Aviva Buck-Yael

Amalya,

I’m a lesbian with two kids. My son Naftli is 7 and my daughter Yeshara is 5. I’m very grateful you are putting this together and that my children will have this resources as they get older. You should expect them online in the next few years and I’m sure they will find you. Please let me know if you need any help getting this off the ground.

All the best to you in everything you do.
Aviva Buck-Yael

5 07 2011
amalya323

Great! I would love to hear from them. I appreciate the offer and will definitely let you know if there is something I need. Thank you!
Amalya

8 06 2012
Aviva Buck-Yael

Amalya, how’s your project going? Let me know if you need anything.

-Aviva

31 01 2013
shragie braun

My dad is gay and mom is straight and id be glad to talk n e time and i have met and spoken to mant people in our same situation…..email me

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